Noise. Pure chaos in my head.

I can't focus. I can't concentrate. And I have no clue where to even begin or if there's any point in writing this down. How do I even describe my situation? Is this just a simple life crisis? No, scratch that - it feels more like a perpetual state of crisis.

This unsettling feeling has been my companion since childhood, threading through my teenage years and now deep into early adulthood. The persistent sensation of never truly arriving anywhere, of always being in transit.

Maybe it stems from moving constantly as a child - never putting down roots, never learning how to truly belong. Back then, the internet wasn't what it is today. Connecting, maintaining relationships was different. Harder.

But where does this deep longing to "arrive" come from?

Perhaps it's exhausting to always be searching. Always changing - the environment, the home, the people around you, the job. In the end, everything feels like a hamster wheel. I feel driven, constantly under time pressure.

I'm convinced this connects to losing my mother to cancer as a teenager. It starkly illustrated how quickly life can end. How we should use the time we have. We never know how long we'll be here.

But how do I even know what I want?

My previous goals and decisions were heavily circumstance-driven. My banking training, my current job - all resulted from wanting to quickly earn my own money, move out, escape the performance pressure, become independent. And now, years later, I'm asking myself: If I could start over, what would I really want to do? What truly fulfills me?

In today's saturated world, everything seems already done. Everyone copies or inspires each other. If I start learning something new now, will it just be a waste of time?

I'm fascinated by AI and technological developments. But does it even make sense to learn a programming language now? Won't we just need to know how to prompt effectively? With AI creating images, videos, texts at the push of a button, will human skills become obsolete?

Yet, I also believe that AI needs real-world data, real human experiences. And aren't we humans a potpourri of experiences, stories, and perspectives?

Maybe I could build something personal. Share my story. Though my story isn't extraordinary - probably just echoing the same concerns as many others my age.

I'm scared. Terrified, actually.

If I simply accepted everything, wouldn't that be equivalent to giving up? No, we're supposed to have hope. And often, the darkest phases of life generate the most growth.

So here I am, waiting. Questioning my professional future, which impacts my living situation, my relationships. Reflecting on past friendships, wondering if the issue was with me.

Is it always right to blame ourselves? Can't we assume we're all just doing our best?

I have so many interests. I feel potential bubbling inside me. But it's overwhelming to find a clear approach, to start somewhere.

I feel like nothing is truly worth investing time in because everything becomes irrelevant so quickly. I'm nobody special who could stand out.

And yet, I'm trying not to bury my head in the sand. Instead, I'm moving forward, waiting. Maybe a miracle will happen.

To be continued...

What I saw today:

What I listened to today:

What I liked today:

What I learned today:

What are Artifacts?

In the world of AI, artifacts are simply special results or "building blocks" created by an AI system that you can further use or edit. They are, in a way, finished products or tangible outputs that are not just plain text but often have a specific structure or function. Examples include:

• Code snippets: A completed piece of Python code that you can directly use in your project.

• Documents: A Markdown document that you can save as a file.

• Diagrams: A flowchart or graphic that you can visually edit further.

With Claude (Anthropic), these artifacts are often presented in a particularly structured and organized way, whereas with ChatGPT, like me, the output you receive is less explicitly labeled as an "artifact."

Random Thoughts:

I miss my mom.

That’s it for today! ☺️